Ask Elizabeth: Why Do Men Send Dick Pics?

by | Ask Elizabeth


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Dear Elizabeth

Excuse the crude or basic nature of this… you’ll have to work out how to word this to escape the censor’s LOL

But what is it with men wanting to send women dick pics?
[Often to women they haven’t met or don’t know well.]
Do they think it is a sort of audition – that it might get them one foot in the door?
This is closely followed by wanting to ‘talk dirty’… yes… it is flattering that just thinking about me makes him desire me but asking how my boobs hang, what I’m wearing etcetera etcetera really doesn’t make me get all hot and bothered and want to start fingering myself!!
No… I also do not want to listen to his heavy breathing as he gets his rocks off thinking about me…

I’m not a prude, and I have no problems with ‘phone sex’ with someone I’m in a physical relationship with.
Why do they NOT get this?
Is this a difference between the genders… or is it this particular man?

PS – for what it is worth his equipment did ‘hang nicely’… pity I’ve been put off…
PPS – I’d also be interested in Prince Charmings take on this as well…



Thank you for your question.

Often men send pictures of their equipment without asking, and I am yet to hear one woman tell me that they crave that kind of communication.


So why do men send dick pics?


It is definitely a male thing. It’s not that men and women don’t send nude pictures of themselves to each other. The difference is that women usually send pictures in response to a partner asking for the photograph rather than sending the picture on impulse. I think the answer as to why this happens is twofold. There is the society expectation that women will be more sexually reserved or they are labelled a slut (however these expectations are slowly changing as boundaries are eroded in the internet space), and there is the way men and women are sexually wired.


What we know about men and their sexuality tells us why they send sexually explicit pictures.


Men are visual; they love looking at women, which is why they are such good customers for the porn industry. Although many women will tell you they love looking at men, it is more about looking at the whole package their face their eyes their muscles as well as their genitals. However, most importantly, as a general rule, it is about who the guy is as a person that invites the to be more intimate. A lot of guys are sexually naive and think that because they like looking at women’s sexy bits that the girl they are chatting up will want to look at their sexy bits as well – so they assume sending them will be a real turn on. In fact, they send a picture of their ‘talent’ in the hope you will return the favour.


In gay dating sending dick pics is quite common. If you think about men’s sexuality, then that makes sense.  It explains that this is a sexual thing, men want to send and receive these sorts of pictures it is how they are wired.


One of a mans greatest fears is sexual rejection. So when you think about it, sending a picture of what they believe to be their greatest asset, with the protection of a computer screen to make them feel confident, is a naive way of getting approval from you. This way they get the whole chance of rejection out of the way early, before they do on a real date and you decide they aren’t well enough endowed and reject them.


You know that I talk about being on guard in an online environment as one of the strategies to avoid kissing toads. The reality is online we feel more confident very quickly, and the barrier of the computer screen can make us do things we wouldn’t normally say and do in real life. This can explain why you get the electronic sexy ‘flash’ that would never happen if you met this guy in a coffee shop.


Some men might get a sexual thrill out of the thought of you seeing their genitals or even your reaction, good or bad. Think of the flashers that used to stand at the back of the school yard waiting for all the girls to scream. If you think about exhibitionism, it is probable that some of these men get turned on or even masturbate at the thought of you seeing their photograph. The fact you reject these guys outright as soon as you receive the photograph doesn’t bother them because they are doing this for the shock value rather than to actually engage with you with any seriousness.


When you understand why men do this, it makes it more understandable, but not necessarily acceptable to the women who are grossed out by it.  Interestingly we know that women do send erotic pictures of themselves to men.  The difference is in the timing.  Usually, this happens after some time in chat or after actually meeting the guy. It’s not so much the sending of the pics, but the timing of when and how the pic is sent that seems to be the issue.


I wonder how we could educate men about sexual difference, so they understand how and when to send explicit pictures to us, so we aren’t shocked and grossed out?  I think the more we can talk about these issues the more we can understand each other.


~ I empower women to make educated relationship choices rather than change for their partner ~

Choose, Don’t Change

With Love

Elizabeth R-J

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