Rebound Relationships are a Terrible Idea

by | Relationship Topics

Do rebound relationships help you get over a breakup? It might seem as though they do – but actually, they are a terrible idea. Rebound relationships are about getting over your ex. A new relationship distracts you from all the pain and rejection you are feeling. Just being with someone gives you that affirmation that you are lovable after all, and the breakup really is all about them and absolutely nothing to do with you.


Rebound relationships are fraught with danger, especially if unconsciously you are looking for something casual and fun to help you get over someone, but the other person isn’t in that space at all. You can end up an emotional mess in a complicated toxic relationship that can create even more problems for you and prolong the grieving process you were trying so hard to avoid.


What is your motivation?

Why do you want to be in a relationship so soon after a breakup? If you are doing it to make HIM jealous, then this is not about him it is about you. You are in the pay-back mode, and you are using someone else to prove you are still desirable and to make yourself feel better. It’s immature, and you are having total disregard for someone else’s feelings. The best thing you can do to make your ex wonder about you is to get on with your life, enjoy yourself and don’t look back.


You aren’t being fair

If your rebound partner finds out you aren’t over your ex, it can be absolutely heartbreaking for them. They are reaching out to you to form a genuine relationship, and you aren’t emotionally available to them. This is the fall out of using someone to serve your own needs. It is very selfish and unfair to treat someone that way when they most likely genuinely care for you.


You aren’t emotionally available

When you go through a breakup your emotions are raw. You simply do not have the emotional capacity to take on another relationship when you haven’t processed the old one. You need time to get over the heartbreak and most importantly understand what has happened to cause the breakup so that you don’t repeat the same sorts of relationship patterns or mistakes in the future. How can you let yourself feel vulnerable and build intimacy with another person when you have just been hurt?


Will anyone do?

Are you scared of being alone, so much that anyone will do, just so you can be in a relationship? We all want to be with someone. These feelings deep inside that we struggle with every time we contemplate being alone are normal. What is important is we learn to accept and acknowledge those feelings and manage them so that we don’t choose to be in an unhealthy relationship or hurt others rather than be on our own.


You need to feel the feelings

If you decide to go into a rebound relationship to protect yourself from feeling the grief of the loss of someone you love, in the long run, you are going to feel worse. This is because you are using the distraction of someone else to repress the feelings you don’t want to feel. These feelings then lurk around waiting for the moment when you drop your guard to sabotage you. If you haven’t take the time to feel your feelings and understand why you are upset, you are setting yourself up to feel very confused and to carry resentments and assumptions into your next relationship.


You need to love yourself first

If you are reliant on other people to fill your love tank, you are setting yourself up to be disappointed. If you cannot love yourself how can you expect others to love you. If you cannot be on your own and choose to be in any relationship to have that affirmation, then you are choosing to be in a relationship for all the wrong reasons.

Are you trying to boost your self-esteem?

Break-ups – especially if you are the person who has been rejected can make you feel terrible about yourself. If you are getting into a rebound relationship to boost your self-esteem, you are putting your happiness into the hands of someone else. The reality is it’s not boosting your self-esteem it is masking how you really feel, it is just a temporary fix. You need to learn to depend on yourself for your self-confidence and not someone else.


The most important thing you need to do after a breakup is taking the time you need to make yourself emotionally available for another relationship. You need time to process what has happened and what it means for you, both regarding who you are in the world and the sort of man you choose to be with for your next relationship. You need to work out what went wrong and what you need to do to make better choices in the future. Take time for yourself before you look for someone else to do the hard emotional work for you.

Big Love

Elizabeth R-J



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